Friday, December 12, 2008

I Believe

This song went through my mind over and over again yesterday. Doug and I are trying to wrap our minds around the news we learned at the appointment. The results are not what we were hoping for....we, at least I, had tried to brace myself for any possiblity, yet sitting there in the room I kept thinking "please let this be a dream...wake me up."
The cancer did not respond to the chemo. The main mass has not changed in size....no shrinking and no growing. The PET scan did show it's "activity" to have increased since the last scan. The nodules on my lungs have grown. Even in the face of receiving the two one-week-rounds of chemo....they grew.
Here is where we are. If this is in fact lymphoma...it is resistant to chemo. There is no known cure. They could try new things....attempt to venture into untread waters to treat it. The only other thing they would try is a donor bone marrow transplant. My sisters will be tested first, as siblings have a strong chance of matching. There is a SLIM chance this could be something other than lymphoma. Yes, meaning there was a mis-diagnosis. (remember...slim) In order to be sure of going forward with the bone marrow transplant, we have to rule out this slim chance of something else. This requires a biopsy. A needle guided biopsy is not the best option, as it is not one hundred percet reliable. If you would have told me even a few weeks ago that there was a chance I would be having surgery again, I would have trembled. The Lord is walking with me....no, He is carrying me. At this point, I want them to do anything they need to....I am not scared about another surgery. I will be having the appointment with the surgeon Wednesday morning at eight o'clock, and then it is looking like the surgery will be Friday morning. Any of you would kick into the fighting mode too....do whatever is necessary to give me years with my family. My children need me....I need them.
We went to the church yesterday after leaving the doctor's office. There has been weeping....but I know that deep in our hearts Doug and I know God is carrying us. Please pray with us....pray for God's strength and peace to fill our hearts and our home. Pray for wisdom with decisions. Pray for a miracle. God is bigger than this. I trust Him no matter what....we love you, and thank you for your support.


Though I can't see Your holy face
And Your throne in heaven above
It seems so far away
Though I cant touch your nail scarred hands
I have a deep and unspeakable joy
That makes my faith to stand

Lord, I believe in You
I'll always believe in You
Though I cant see you with my eyes
Deep in my heart Your presence I find
Lord, I believe in You
And I'll keep my trust in You
Let the whole world say what they may
No one can take this joy away
Lord, I believe

Born from above You are Gods only chosen one
You're the one and only true way
To the Fathers heart
You died for all sin
Then you rose and now live again
Conquering death and the grave
So that I might live

Lord, I believe in You
I'll always believe in You
Though I cant see you with my eyes
Deep in my heart Your presence I find
Lord, I believe in You
And I'll keep my trust in You
Let the whole world say what they may
No one can take this joy away
Lord, I believe

28 comments:

Spring said...

Missy,
This news is not what we wanted to hear, but God is control. Throught the roughest of times, God can change things!! We are going to still join with the hundreds of others to lift you and your family up in prayer. You are daily on my heart... I hate that you have to go throught this valley, but know that you are not there alone. So many of us are there with you, holding your hand, and we'll be there to pull you along when you feel too weak to stand. You are a precious sister in the Lord to me. Praying for you today, and everyday.... Spring

lisamichellearnold said...

"it's amazing what praising can do
hallelujah hallelujah
it's amazing what praising can do
hallelujah
i won't worry when things can wrong
jesus fills my heart with a song
it's amazing what praising can do
hallelujah"

remember singing that probably sweetly off pitch on road trips? i love you, miss. we are still praising him for his faithfulness and trusting in his healing touch!!!

he is on the throne!!!

StacyandChad said...

Missy,
I don't have the right words to say other than I'm praying for you! I'm reminded every day that our God is on control! He is a God of miracles and I'm continually praying for that miracle for you!
May He grant you strength and endurance to run through this valley!
Remember that Psalm 61: 1-4 says "God hear my cry; pay attention to my prayer. I call to you from the ends of the earth when my heart is without strength. Lead me to a rock that is high above me, for you have been a refuge for me, a strong tower in the face of the enemy. I will live in Your tent forever and take refuge under the shelter of Your wings!!

Kristi said...

Oh Melissa. I just don't know what to say...tears are streaming down my cheeks. So sorry to hear about the news you received yesterday. We were all hoping and praying for some positive results. We will keep you, Doug, the kids and your family in our thoughts and prayers everyday and especially next week as you go through surgery. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. This song came to mind as I read your post. Love, Kristi

Gentle Shepherd, come and lead us, for we need you to help us find our way.
Gentle Shepherd, come and feed us, for we need your strength from day to day.
There's no other we can turn to who can help us face another day.
Gentle Shepherd, come and lead us, for we need you to help us find our way.

Melody Culver said...

Melissa, While I was at JC Penney's last week a customer to my right overheard my conversation with the clerk and said, "Mam, you mentioned a rare cancer. I want you to know that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and given 2 weeks to live 22 years ago." I looked at him, thought of YOU Melissa, and said, "Praise the Lord. Thank you sir for sharing your story with me."

I don't understand all that is happening around us right now...but I do know God is in control and he is placing people in our lives to help remind us of his sovereignty.

Our prayers continue to lift you and your family up.

Love,

The Culvers from 1st Church

Greg McDonald said...

After hearing the news from your dad and then an e-mail from Jennifer, I was on my knees last night interceding for you...for Doug...for the children...for your parents...for immediate and extended family...praying that God would not only tear down every plan of Satan but also allow you and Doug to literally be carried above all that is happening. This has not surprised God, and I KNOW that HE IS ABLE!!! Greg, our church, and I will not stop praying and believing! We are here to do WHATEVER we need to do to help you through this! Love you much! Charlene

Katrina said...

I am definitely praying for you!

The Camerons said...

We are with you, praying and trusting!!!

happy gram said...

melissa, i am so sorry the news was not good. i will continue to pray for you and your family. some 20 or 25 years ago i was tested to be a bone marrow donor for a 2 year old girl in our town. i sometimes forget that i am STILL on the registry and pray that some day i will match - i am praying that if you need a bone marrow transplant, a donor will be quickly available and the transplant successful. God will take care of the details! love you and your sister, jan

SentimentsbyDenise said...

Melissa & Doug -
Though it may be a hard thing to do right now with everything happening around you, rest in the Lord.
He will be your Strength and Hope and knows exactly what the future holds for you.
I am trusting in the almighty healing power of our awesome God to restore your health and bless you abundantly.
Denise

Amy's Blah, Blah, Blogging said...

I just stopped over from Our Hope Endures, and just wanted you to know I am praying for you.

God bless you and your family.

christi said...

Melissa and Doug,
Just wanted you to know that there are people here in Ohio praying for you and your family. As a nurse, I have seen miracles and I hope and pray that God will choose to work one through you Melissa. We will continue to hold you up in prayer. The Parkview Mazzone family

Carrie McIntire said...

Melissa,
You and your family remain in our prayers.
Carrie & Jeff

Kerri said...

Eric and I will commit to praying with you, Melissa.
Kerri Stetler

Joni Loyd said...

Melissa,
It is Joni Loyd (Hains), Michelle's roomate in college. I have been following you blog and praying for you. I have tried to write to you but am a bit ignorant of how to blog! So out of touch. My 12 year old helped me!!!

My heart is heavy to hear the news of your recent test results. I want to "kick the dirt" with you and say no!
I wanted to send you a note to tell you that I and many others whom I have shared your story with till continue to pray for God to co a miracle and remove the cancer from your body. I want you to know that their is a large circl of believers who are standing in the gap for you during this time.
Your children are absolutely beautiful. I have 2 daughters, Agigail (12) and Madeline (9) so I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this has been. Your blog has been such an inspiration of your faith has you are on this journey. Thank you for blessing me!

Much love,
Joni Loyd

Kelli said...

I'm praying for you, Doug and your little ones.
kelli

******************** said...

LOVE YOU, Sis, SOOO much, and will do absolutely ANYTHING in the world for you!!! Thank you for continuing to let the light of God shine from your heart!! I'm STILL believing...

******************** said...

Sorry, that was from me, Jenn!

Mandy said...

Melissa...
I'm thinking of and praying for you and your family. I pray God gives you the Peace that passes all understanding!..Mandy

Aspiemom said...

Praying

AmandaHoyt said...

Jocelyn asked me to pray for you.
I'm praying for your miracle, Melissa, so that you can spend more time with your family.
Hugs,
Amanda

James said...

Melissa,
We are hurting for you or with you or something. I just want to be in Indy sitting with you right now, hugging you guys and discovering some super power ability to heal you myself. We love you so much and you are constantly on our minds and in our prayers.
-James, Kelly, Halle & Judah

Melody Culver said...

Melissa, it is 1:42am and I am thinking and praying for you and your family. Sending a huge hug...Melody Culver your 1st church family

Amy said...

Melissa,
I just don't know what to say other than I am praying for you and thinking of you constantly. I hope you are able to get some answers. When my step-brother had leukemia David & I both registered with the bone marrow registry. He ended up getting a match from a man in TX. It had slipped my mind that we had done it until now. ((((HUGS))))

Lots of love!
David & Amy Hoover

A Romantic Porch said...

Melissa, We haven't had the opportunity to meet, though I have had your adorable son in "Praisetown" at First Church. I carry you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I will be remembering you as you face this new series of tests and surgery. Sincerely, Rachel Going

Harpels said...

Melissa- I just wanted to tell you We all love you! The news is a set back. I just couldn't get beleiave it. But what kept going thru my mind was and still is, God is so in control. This isn't what we all wanted to hear, but God Is In Control!!! We contiune to pray for God's will in this. Rememeber We love you, Doug, and the Kids. I wish I could be there to just give you big hugs and not let go. Love you......

michelle said...

Melissa
Just wanted to let you know that I am praying and will be praying for you. My brother battled colon cancer this past year and our family saw God's hand of healing touch his life. I know that God can provide that same amazing healing in your life.
Love & Prayers
Kendra Lambert (MVNU staff member)

Ryon and Rachel said...

Hi Melissa,

I found you on Amanda Hoyt's blog. I will be lifting you up in prayer. Know that this mountain is not too big for God!!! Continue to praise him during this storm!!!

Rachel